For the past 2 weeks, I've been working on my research at the Marine & Fisheries Research & Product Development Center in Slipi, Central Jakarta. Upon alighting from the bus, a short walk is required in order to reach the place. Coincidentally, the research center is located nearby the building Graha Indramas, an office building I'm quite familiar with. Whenever my eyes caught sight of it, my mind would rewind to the past as I made my way through the bustling street.
A few years ago, our family of 4 used to have our dimsum buffet in Rose Garden, a Chinese restaurant located on the 3rd floor of Graha Indramas. Our love for dimsum + the affordable all-you-can-eat price were enough to keep us coming back for another round of dimsum on Saturdays. The food were of high quality & the ambience was nice. Plus, the waiters & waitresses were very friendly. I do hope that the restaurant has been maintaining the good service throughout the years. How I miss having its Ha Kau, roasted duck, Siew Mai and many more.
Then I would remember how life was much easier for me back then, who was still attending junior high school. All I needed to do were to finish my homework & study for exams. At school, life was fun although I remember having to struggle a bit to stay on top. 2nd year of junior high school was the 1st time I learned about the feeling of being in love with someone. I woke up every weekdays & looked forward to school very much, thanks to that particular guy I was interested in. Personally, I felt that we were very close friends. We talked about many things at school and even phoned each other in the evening to continue the chit-chat. The phone call would last for at least 1 hour until one of us eventually remembered having something important to attend to, which brought an end to the call. I'm not sure whether my feelings were obviously shown on my face whenever I talked to him, but a friend did tell me that she knew about my feelings for that guy.
Sadly, I lost contact with the guy as we parted ways in high school. Whenever I was reminded of the embarrassing feeling I experienced as friends told me that my feelings were clearly shown on my face, I would become irritated with that character of mine. I hated the fact that despite others saying that I showed my feelings very clearly & easily, those feelings weren't able to convey my message to the guy. I slowly developed an invisible mask, made especially for feelings related to romance. To be honest, that mask is still on & so I don't usually show delight when I meet someone I had been setting my eyes on, although it's the happiest moment of the day. As a result, some people might have seen me as someone unsociable and proud. That past experience seemed to be telling me that I shouldn't hope too much. I wish I could get rid of the fear of showing my true feelings.
However, to keep myself going, I motivate myself with the phrase "the precious present". I learned it from listening to an audio seminar by Dr. Ken Blanchard, played from a cassette tape by my Dad on our way to & from my campus and his office. Those 3 words had a serious impact that changes my way of thinking about how my life was better in the past compared to the present & how I want to fast-forward my life to the future while skipping the bad episodes of life. I found that it's best to enjoy life as it is; it's pitiful to be wishing to return to the past & it's illogical to wish for a better life in the future without us enjoying our life while trying our best in the present. As our very own time machine, our mind can take us back to the past & relive both good & bad memories. Too bad it doesn't have the option of time travelling to the future, but that's why the present is here to enable us to shape it.
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