Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Fate of Being Small in This Big World

Having a smaller figure compared to an average 21-year-old, I came across both advantages and disadvantages in life. Here are some examples of the cases and outcomes, when....

....I met & was introduced to a German during my internship last year : I was thought to be a 15-year-old.

....my Transjakarta bus was full of passengers, but I went in anyway : The bus attendant didn't mind & I fit in just fine.

....the bus was so full of passengers & I wanted to get off at the next stop : I had to squeeze my way through to the door so that the bus attendant would notice me & keep the door open.

....a friend noticed a spring horse toy in a playground & I was with him/her : I was told that the horse would suit me, so I should get on.

....I met a neighbor on my walk back home after finishing the day's work for my Bachelor's thesis: He/she asked whether I was on my way home from SCHOOL (implying to junior/senior high school).

....I was attending a wedding reception organized by my parents' friend & my younger brother, who's now taller than me, was coincidentally standing beside me : at least 1 acquaintance of ours would mistake him as my boyfriend.


All of it must have happened for a reason, that humans tend to judge a book by its cover. Fortunately, there are still some positive sides to being a small person. If there wasn't any, then life might have been difficult for someone like me.

In the past, I used to hate it so much when people pointed out negative things about my size. Some questions I'd like to ask them: "Have you ever thought of how you'd feel if you were the one in my position?" "Would you like it when people were so blind of your other aspects except height?"

However, I'm grateful that I slowly learned to acknowledge my fate & ignore useless comments that weren't to my liking. After all, it's entirely up to me whether or not to keep the comments in mind. I live the way I want to, I'm content with my size & I accept people for who they are when they accept me unconditionally. My best of friends are those whom I feel the happiest being together with, as they are pleased to have me as a part of their social lives regardless of my flaws. Being small is never a bother when I'm together with these people.

Friday, April 6, 2012

The Mind, Our Time Machine to the Past

For the past 2 weeks, I've been working on my research at the Marine & Fisheries Research & Product Development Center in Slipi, Central Jakarta. Upon alighting from the bus, a short walk is required in order to reach the place. Coincidentally, the research center is located nearby the building Graha Indramas, an office building I'm quite familiar with. Whenever my eyes caught sight of it, my mind would rewind to the past as I made my way through the bustling street.

A few years ago, our family of 4 used to have our dimsum buffet in Rose Garden, a Chinese restaurant located on the 3rd floor of Graha Indramas. Our love for dimsum + the affordable all-you-can-eat price were enough to keep us coming back for another round of dimsum on Saturdays. The food were of high quality & the ambience was nice. Plus, the waiters & waitresses were very friendly. I do hope that the restaurant has been maintaining the good service throughout the years. How I miss having its Ha Kau, roasted duck, Siew Mai and many more.

Then I would remember how life was much easier for me back then, who was still attending junior high school. All I needed to do were to finish my homework & study for exams. At school, life was fun although I remember having to struggle a bit to stay on top. 2nd year of junior high school was the 1st time I learned about the feeling of being in love with someone. I woke up every weekdays & looked forward to school very much, thanks to that particular guy I was interested in. Personally, I felt that we were very close friends. We talked about many things at school and even phoned each other in the evening to continue the chit-chat. The phone call would last for at least 1 hour until one of us eventually remembered having something important to attend to, which brought an end to the call. I'm not sure whether my feelings were obviously shown on my face whenever I talked to him, but a friend did tell me that she knew about my feelings for that guy.

Sadly, I lost contact with the guy as we parted ways in high school. Whenever I was reminded of the embarrassing feeling I experienced as friends told me that my feelings were clearly shown on my face, I would become irritated with that character of mine. I hated the fact that despite others saying that I showed my feelings very clearly & easily, those feelings weren't able to convey my message to the guy. I slowly developed an invisible mask, made especially for feelings related to romance. To be honest, that mask is still on & so I don't usually show delight when I meet someone I had been setting my eyes on, although it's the happiest moment of the day. As a result, some people might have seen me as someone unsociable and proud. That past experience seemed to be telling me that I shouldn't hope too much. I wish I could get rid of the fear of showing my true feelings.

However, to keep myself going, I motivate myself with the phrase "the precious present". I learned it from listening to an audio seminar by Dr. Ken Blanchard, played from a cassette tape by my Dad on our way to & from my campus and his office. Those 3 words had a serious impact that changes my way of thinking about how my life was better in the past compared to the present & how I want to fast-forward my life to the future while skipping the bad episodes of life. I found that it's best to enjoy life as it is; it's pitiful to be wishing to return to the past & it's illogical to wish for a better life in the future without us enjoying our life while trying our best in the present. As our very own time machine, our mind can take us back to the past & relive both good & bad memories. Too bad it doesn't have the option of time travelling to the future, but that's why the present is here to enable us to shape it.